sammy's world

lets see where did all of this begin?

lower infant?
class 1?
class 5?
no ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it began much before all of that it began from the time i was born................and this is known as struggle..................the survival of tha fittest...!!

i knew long ago that i was not even meant to compete not even to think of my self "fit" enough even to take a try but just as life has it for me,falling tripping and hurting m,yself i make it to the starting line feeling assured it will never make it even close to the finish..................

the story conyinues........................

i know what are things that are wrong with me................
the problem is i know a bit too well,yet i have tried a lot and failed to cahnge all taht is around and within me.i seriously hope someday i would change because i am intelligent enough to know by now taht situations dont change and for me they never will.
yeah it felt bad to hear rumpi say the truth all over againthe truth i have known for so long.......
yeah i know i dont look good ,not good enough for a lot amny people ,yeah ima not smart either......so where do i go?
i wallow and wallow till the time i cannot wallow any longer..................and then cry and cry and cry till the time i can cry no longer..................
it feels bad...............i am tired of my mediocrity........excellence si a far fetched illusion that seems no longer true.............
YEAH I AM AVERAGE to my utter disgrace ihave to accept that no matter how much i run away from it no matter how much ever i try to shun it out,the truth is the truth and it will remain the same.
but the the fact is that everytime you you know it it is going to hurt and no matter how well i know it it isgoing still going to pain .may be this is what you call salvation.

i dont know why.........
and maybe i will never know there is something that makes it difficult for me to accept the truth.................may be it is just a ray of hope taht shines in the darkest of hours saying may be i am wrong.
but each time when you are proved wrong it is difficult to stick to your convictions and i find it more painful each time.
there is just one question for how long will i befool myself?
now i know the hour is not tooaway.............
yeah i will know too soon or never at all!!
i know i will never grow up but what can i do if i am such a kiddo?
who will never know the difference between dream and reality!!
yeah someday i will cme to terms with my flaws but till then it will ache.
it is difficult to fight the world but it is hardest to fight yourself...............your dreams , your desires......................
i will do it somedy..............
when someone is not snooping into my blog while he is standing behind me................
till then byee........

yeah one of these terrible days once again
when nothing just goes right nothing seems right
everything is just nothing more than a terrible mess................
people and again out to chatafy me................gosh give me a break................
i need to move out soon .....................this is worse than hell
what the hell is so wrong am i an idiot an imbysyyl?
am i trying to run away from the truth?
what the hell is truth?
why are things so damn disgusting!!!
i messed up my own life....................
lost all i had to
now i am ruining my boards what else do o need to do in order to finish this life!!
yeah i am upset terrribly upset
for reasons i dont know myself...............
what the hell..............................
.i fell in love,.................fucked up my life........
then i lost my friends....................
tithi.....................i miss u.....................
i reallly do.................
i miss myself the most.....
....................
reallly..........my life is seeming.....................like one that is complete mess........

then i messed up things................
fell for my frnd's frnd.......................
and did a whole lot of nonsensical stuff.............
then ......................all is now history,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

and the future is gonna b worse........................
grr........................
what is more important..................
it is that i do something about my lyf..................
i need to get things done.....................

today i asked my one time closest friend to write my farewell diary and u should have seen the way she reacted!!!!
i guess shevhas forgotten everything!!
what all i had been through for her what al i had done for her!where were all her other friends when she had no one to turn to?
where were they all when she needed them the most?
do i miss her??????????????
may b the person she was but definately not the person that she is today!!!!

it is sad that we are departing in this way but i made the effort from my side so what more cani say?

this is the way i end my skul my identity my life.................................happy?

there are too many things thats running through my minds too many memories tooo many visions that is indelible forever and forever.
there are things that can never be replaced there are people who will never be forgotten, but will thay remember me?
will things ever be the same again ?
i do not think so .................never can the times come back its gone forever......
yet i live on that someday i will go back to being what i was ..a simple girl and her crazy world.

it takes a lot to stick to your own decisions.......
to know that what ever you have done is right!
to not care about what others think......................
yes but now i am happy , honestly, i am in many different ways , in different aspects and perspectives in different ways ways i must say...............
when you know what you are it is easy to understand that
here my search ends ...........................today i am free.......,in every sense of the word:
yet there is along way to go ,but this time i know where i am heading.
it makes things a lot easier,dosen't it?

i feel like going and killing anyone who comes in front of me........i hate this world.
why are people laughing at me? am i some kind of joke?
what is wrong with everyone.......?????
wtf?
why are some people blind enuf?
why am i not good enough?
why do people get away by teasing me?
why can't i say the right things at the right time?
is it leagal to kill som1?