it is just one more time...

4:57 AM

i know what are things that are wrong with me................
the problem is i know a bit too well,yet i have tried a lot and failed to cahnge all taht is around and within me.i seriously hope someday i would change because i am intelligent enough to know by now taht situations dont change and for me they never will.
yeah it felt bad to hear rumpi say the truth all over againthe truth i have known for so long.......
yeah i know i dont look good ,not good enough for a lot amny people ,yeah ima not smart either......so where do i go?
i wallow and wallow till the time i cannot wallow any longer..................and then cry and cry and cry till the time i can cry no longer..................
it feels bad...............i am tired of my mediocrity........excellence si a far fetched illusion that seems no longer true.............
YEAH I AM AVERAGE to my utter disgrace ihave to accept that no matter how much i run away from it no matter how much ever i try to shun it out,the truth is the truth and it will remain the same.
but the the fact is that everytime you you know it it is going to hurt and no matter how well i know it it isgoing still going to pain .may be this is what you call salvation.

i dont know why.........
and maybe i will never know there is something that makes it difficult for me to accept the truth.................may be it is just a ray of hope taht shines in the darkest of hours saying may be i am wrong.
but each time when you are proved wrong it is difficult to stick to your convictions and i find it more painful each time.
there is just one question for how long will i befool myself?
now i know the hour is not tooaway.............
yeah i will know too soon or never at all!!
i know i will never grow up but what can i do if i am such a kiddo?
who will never know the difference between dream and reality!!
yeah someday i will cme to terms with my flaws but till then it will ache.
it is difficult to fight the world but it is hardest to fight yourself...............your dreams , your desires......................
i will do it somedy..............
when someone is not snooping into my blog while he is standing behind me................
till then byee........

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just another blue day..............

5:04 AM

yeah one of these terrible days once again
when nothing just goes right nothing seems right
everything is just nothing more than a terrible mess................
people and again out to chatafy me................gosh give me a break................
i need to move out soon .....................this is worse than hell
what the hell is so wrong am i an idiot an imbysyyl?
am i trying to run away from the truth?
what the hell is truth?
why are things so damn disgusting!!!
i messed up my own life....................
lost all i had to
now i am ruining my boards what else do o need to do in order to finish this life!!
yeah i am upset terrribly upset
for reasons i dont know myself...............
what the hell..............................
.i fell in love,.................fucked up my life........
then i lost my friends....................
tithi.....................i miss u.....................
i reallly do.................
i miss myself the most.....
....................
reallly..........my life is seeming.....................like one that is complete mess........

then i messed up things................
fell for my frnd's frnd.......................
and did a whole lot of nonsensical stuff.............
then ......................all is now history,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

and the future is gonna b worse........................
grr........................
what is more important..................
it is that i do something about my lyf..................
i need to get things done.....................

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